Lead, Don’t Boss

Leadership Means Looking Inward, Offering Grace, and Building Trust

A boss instills fear, assigns blame, and controls others. A leader inspires confidence, takes responsibility, and empowers others.

Those words have rung true across every chapter of my life, whether I was serving in the Marine Corps, navigating high-stakes bank mergers as a commercial banker, or packing my mules along a narrow mountain trail. In each setting, the stakes were high. Mistakes have consequences. And yet, the path to success never came from barking orders or tightening my grip. It came from learning to lead, not to boss.

What I’ve come to understand is this: the same truths that hold up under fire or in financial chaos also hold up in a saddle. And what’s true for mules is true for horses, too, maybe more than most riders realize.

Fear vs. Confidence

In the Corps, leadership wasn’t about rank, it was about presence. The leaders I respected most weren’t the loudest, but they were the calmest under pressure. They didn’t command with fear; they inspired trust by showing up with consistency, clarity, and a steady hand when things went sideways.

That same principle applies with animals, maybe even more so. A horse or mule driven by fear might comply for the moment, but they’ll never offer you their mind. They won’t trust you. And without that trust, true partnership remains out of reach.

When I’m working with a mule who’s unsure about crossing a creek or nervous about loading into the trailer, I ask myself, am I helping them feel safe and understood, or am I just trying to get it done?

I’ll admit, I’ve spent more time telling than asking. I’m not proud of those moments. But like my mules, I try to learn. I give myself the same grace I offer them—credit for the try, and a promise to do better next time. Leadership is built one decision at a time, through consistency, fairness, and presence. That was the foundation my Marines relied on. And it’s the same foundation my mules trust today.

Blame vs. Responsibility

In the corporate world, especially during tense bank mergers, the pressure to point fingers was real. When numbers didn’t add up or arrangements went sideways, blame flew fast and furious. But I learned early on blaming others might protect your ego in the short term, but it destroys trust in the long run.

It’s no different in horsemanship. Blaming your mule for spooking, balking, or acting out might feel momentarily satisfying, but it robs you of the opportunity to grow. More importantly, it disconnects you from your role as a leader in the relationship. When something goes wrong, I don’t ask, “What’s wrong with them?” I ask, “What did I miss? What haven’t I prepared them for yet?”

Leadership means looking inward before casting blame outward. It means owning your impact, even when your intentions were good. Mules are honest teachers—they won’t flatter your ego. But when they feel heard, understood, and supported, they’ll give you more than obedience. They’ll give their trust, and that’s when the real magic begins.

Control vs. Empowerment

You can’t muscle a mule into trust. Believe me, I’ve seen folks try. But brute strength won’t get you across a suspension bridge. Control might win the moment, but it will never win the mule.

True leaders empower. They give their partners, whether human or equine, the tools, confidence, and support they need to succeed. They know when to guide, when to step back, and when to simply give space to think. With mules, that often means slowing down. Letting them process. Trusting that once they understand the ask, they’ll show up, not out of fear, but from willingness.

I’ve learned a great deal about this principle from Ty Evans. I’ve been honored to attend his clinics over the years and to witness firsthand the power of rewarding the smallest try. Ty doesn’t push for perfection, he builds confidence through clarity, timing, and trust. Watching him work reminded me that good horsemanship is really just good leadership in action. I hope to be as good a hand as Ty one day.

Leadership Isn’t a Title—It’s a Choice

Every interaction we have, on the trail, in the round pen, in the boardroom, or at home, is a chance to lead. Not through fear. Not through force. But through example. The Marine Corps taught me that leadership is earned. Banking taught me that leadership requires integrity.

And my mules? They remind me, every single day, that leadership is a relationship. So, the next time your mule tests your patience, pause and ask: am I being a boss or a leader? Because that answer will shape more than your ride. It’ll shape the trust beneath it. And that trust? It’s the most valuable thing you’ll ever earn in the saddle.

For more of my musings on mules, trail riding, and life outdoors, visit www.TrailMeister.com. And if you’re ready to hit the trail, pick up a copy of my bestselling book, The ABCs of Trail Riding and Horse Camping, available now on Amazon.

See this article in the September 2025 Online Digital Edition:

September 2025